Yeah, I didn't actually write any of those parables from back in the day. If you'll notice, all those books about me were written long after I died. All of my stupid apostles were always trying to out do each other so they thought they'd write some hokey stories and attribute them to me. Those guys lied like crazy. Jeez, they never even mentioned all the ladies I used to get back then.
Jesus Christ
JoinedPosts by Jesus Christ
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21
Jehovah blesses those who shun e-mail
by Mindchild inhave any of you seen this email message going around?
<snip> .
an unemployed brother is desperate to support his family.
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Jehovah blesses those who shun e-mail
by Mindchild inhave any of you seen this email message going around?
<snip> .
an unemployed brother is desperate to support his family.
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Jesus Christ
There was once a crazy man who was very angry and had a gun that wished to use. He told himself that the next person that comes to his door will be shot dead. Being as he lived out in the middle of nowhere he could get away with it and no one would ever know what happened to the people that got shot. Of course, the next people to show up were some JW's. He looked out the door and saw some people with bibles so he decided to talk to them before he shot them. He talked to them and decided that he wouldn't shoot them. A few years later he had started taking medication and his homocidal tendancies had subsided. The two JW's who showed up at his door got married and had some children. Since they were good little JW's they didn't want their children to be influenced by bad association and home schooled their children but instead of learning how to read they learned how to haul tomatoes. One day while one of the children were hauling tomatoes he saw a sign about how there was work being done on the road and to detour around it but since he had spent so much time learning about tomatoes and not how to read he couldn't tell what that sign said and he didn't take the detour. Things went badly and he ended up striking and killing many people including the man that decided not to shoot his parents.
The moral of the story is you should always shoot all JW's on sight.
The other moral of the story is not all stories with morals are even half way logical.
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Westerfield guilty!!!!
by writerpen inbreaking.
news
california jury finds david westerfield guilty in the kidnapping and murder of 7-year-old danielle van dam.
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Jesus Christ
Cut off his weenie and let him blead to death.
What, you don't expect dad and me to forgive everything do you? Some people are just sick.
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worst JW introductions
by sleepy inwhat were the worst introductions you remmeber people using on the ministry?
"hello my friend and i....." .
"hello we've been talking to your neighbours, do you think we can ever see a peaceful world?
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Jesus Christ
Well, seeing as I'm up in heaven neither of them could have been me. If I were a teenage boy on earth going out in service back then (which I wasn't) I definitely would have been the prankster trying to make the other guy laugh.
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The Complete IDIOTS'S Guide to Become an Apostate
by Victor_E inask and elder if he has read silentlambs website.
answer at the meetings original comments not the ones you are supposed to quote by rote.
when asked at the doors if the media stories about jw pedophiles are true answer that you know of some.
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Jesus Christ
* Start a blood drive in your congregation.
* Make out at assemblies.
* Talk about how you can see the nipples of the cold sisters who just got baptized.
* Make phone sex calls during a meeting.
* Give out copies of "Crisis of Conscience" with literature if you work at the counter.
* Play more "interesting" music if you're working the sound booth.
* If you're a microphone handler take it with you to the bathroom and "pleasure" yourself, loudly.
* If you're not a microphone handler go to the bathroom and "pleasure" yourself, loudly.
* Bring Darwin's "Origin of Species" to the book study and ask if you can study that instead.
* Wear a very slutty dress (even better if you're a man).
* Flirt with married elders (even better if you're a man).
* Put a flag sticker on your car windshield.
* Put a flag on the Kingdom Hall.
* Light up (whatever you like) during a meeting.
* Giggle often during a judicial committee
* Bring your pet monkey who likes to fling poo to any JW function.
* Go out in service drunk.
* Give a talk about any issue with older information and then explain that you wrote your talk based on older literature.
* Tell them which websites you found that literature on.
* Get "Star Trek" and "Distict" conventions confused.
* If you're a farmer who owns asses (as in the four legged animal that you can ride) talk about all the great ass you just got.
* Break dance to Kingdumb Melodies. -
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LATEST VIEW- WTS VIEW OF E-MAIL& INTERNET
by Deli King inhas anyone read the latest article in sept km & 9/15 wt on the the snares of e-mail & internet?edited by - deli king on 20 august 2002 21:16:30.
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Jesus Christ
[Singing]
Come and drink lifes waaaaaaaater free....Yes, come drink the purple Kool-Aid like everyone else.
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35
worst JW introductions
by sleepy inwhat were the worst introductions you remmeber people using on the ministry?
"hello my friend and i....." .
"hello we've been talking to your neighbours, do you think we can ever see a peaceful world?
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Jesus Christ
There was one sweet old lady in one of the halls I attended that could not make a point to save her life. She would just start rambling away at the folks going on and on without ever actually SAYING anything until they shooed her away.
Reminds me of some young people that I've watched. Two guys in high school went a house that an old lady lived in. One of the guys was certainly outgoing and was always quick to make a joke whenever he possibly could. He also enjoyed embarrarsing his friends whenever possible. The other guy would usually go along with the jokes as long as no one else was around. So the two guys go up to the house and the quiter of the two is supposed to be the one talking. As it turns out the old lady is very hard of hearing and has some mental problems because she had been kicked in the head by a horse when she was younger (we know that because she told them). She was also one of those old ladies who would go on and on and on and on without stopping. You know the type, the people who will just not shut up but you would love to tell them how dumb they are. If you spent much time out in service you know what I'm talking about. Since the quiet guy was the one that started talking to her she pretty much ignored the one who liked to make life hell for his friends. After listening to the lady go on about countless unrelated subjects the prankster decides to start having some fun at the house. While keeping his mouth closed he starts talking to the quiter guy just loud enough so he can be heard but not by the old lady who won't shut up. It starts off with just "shut up" which got him the most worried look from the quiet guy until he realized the old lady didn't hear anything. The prankster went on to things like "You are so old! Even your hair is blue." and "If my friend here has sex with you, will you shut up?" followed by asking his friend what it would take for him to have sex with the old lady who won't shut up. What was horrible was the quiet guy trying to keep a straight face. There were a couple times when he visibly giggled and the woman couldn't figure out what he was laughing about. All in all though, that was the best call the prankster ever made. Yes, mean and all that stuff but thinking back on it you have to admit that it is rather humerous, even more so if you would have been there.
Suffice to say both of those guys eventually became apostates and haven't set foot in a Kingdumb Hall for years.
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To censor or not to censor...
by Elsewhere inif [a writing] be false in its facts, disprove them; if false in its reasoning, refute it.
but, for god's sake, let us freely hear both sides, if we choose.
-thomas jefferson
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Jesus Christ
Wow, so by freedom of speech (and by extension expression) that means someone could do what they like to prove that rubbing poo on your face is a good thing and they shouldn't be stopped. Yep, totally unrestricted freedom is such a great thing..........
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Would You Like to Work For silentlambs?
by silentlambs inhelp needed for the silentlambs organization
due to the increasing workload associated with silentlambs i am requesting assistance to help with certain aspects of the organization.
i have created the following positions which will include the listed duties.
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Jesus Christ
Hey Felix, looks like you and I did the same thing. Looks as if we may be working together should Bill want both of us!
BTW, hey Bill, don't blow my cover!
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Computer Graphics Question - Flash MX
by Jesus Christ ini'm hoping someone will be able to help me.
yeah yeah, i'm perfect and should know everything but i just haven't been paying much attention with macromedia flash mx.. i've imported two images (.jpg's) to the stage and am wanting to do a nice fade between the two.
i can do a kind of sloppy one if i change the brightness or tint to match the background and then tween to it.
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Jesus Christ
thank "your dad" for that !
Hey, you can do it for yourself if you know how to do it right. Start of by yelling "Hey Spanky!!!!" and then speak in pig latin. I don't know why dad needs me to translate everything for him. I think its just some sort of punishment because I once pulled down his pants in front of a group of people. Jerk.